Awkward Upbringing: My Tragic Journey in the Dallas Social Circles

In the heart of Dallas, where social status is everything, my family's journey was far from the calm and elegant path envisioned. My upbringing mirrored the expectations and pressures set by my grandmother and aunt, who both had their own unique take on social climbing and maintaining family honor. This story is an honest account of the awkwardness and emotional challenges I faced within this highly scrutinized society.

Social Climbing from Generation to Generation

My grandmother, who had a full scholarship to Southern Methodist University (SMU), could have chosen a different path. Instead, driven by the expectations of her older sister, she attended secretarial school. Her determination to make the best of it and gradually climb the social ladder through her daughter, my aunt, was unmatched. My aunt became a major player in Dallas society, ensuring her family's prominence in the prestigious "Who's Who in Dallas" album and participating in various social groups such as book clubs and country clubs.

Each of my aunt's children mirrored her ambition. They attended Vanderbilt University and pledged fraternities or sororities. Their achievements were celebrated as they rose to leadership positions. Unlike their mother, social climbing was not a pressing need for them; they were already part of the elite. Every aspect of their lives, from their weddings to their social engagements, was planned to further cements their status. The level of effort involved in these events was nothing short of exhausting, making me feel like an outsider even among my own cousins.

My Place in the Family

My father's death a few months before my birth left a significant void, and it is a wound that never fully healed. My grandmother struggled to overcome her grief, and my brother, born after my father's passing, was treated with extra affection. The educational paths chosen by my siblings aligned with my grandmother's and aunt's expectations: MIT and fraternities/sororities. These achievements were deemed the pinnacle of success.

As the child who arrived posthumously, I was often seen as an afterthought. This was evident in the years following my cousins' weddings, where they received formal and grand brides' make gifts. When my cousin included a gift for me, it was with an unspoken frustration, and it took my aunt's playful approach of using my middle initial to engrave the gift as a way of humanizing the situation. My 21st birthday was not without its challenges, but the gesture of receiving a gift was appreciated, though my aunt's cruel remark about not knowing my name left a lasting wound.

The Family's Shady Side

Despite the outward appearance of a happily integrated family, there were expectations that were difficult to meet. My attendance at a State University and lack of sorority membership were seen as rebellious choices. These decisions were met with harsh judgments and criticisms. The icing on the cake was my relationship with a Navajo man. This was not a decision based on racial considerations as much as it was a reflection of my personal values and growth. The judgment from my aunt and grandmother reached such a point that my boyfriend felt the need to avoid family gatherings, and I eventually followed his example. The family gatherings turned into uncomfortable situations where my weight and diet were constantly scrutinized, creating additional stress.

The Turning Point

The defining moment came when I got a tattoo, a personal choice that I made knowing the societal backlash it would elicit. My grandmother, though initially silent, showed discomfort, and I could tell my aunt was deeply affected by the sight of it. This was a significant shift; tattoos were often looked down upon in such circles, but it was a reality that the family had to grapple with.

In conclusion, my journey through the Dallas social circles was a mix of pride, rejection, and deep-seated disappointment. The expectations and judgments forced upon me by my family and its members were overwhelming and often emotionally scarring. However, I found solace in the realization that my grit and personal values are what truly define me, not the judgments of others. As I moved on, the challenges and awkward moments of my childhood became a testament to my resilience and strength, no longer to be pitied but celebrated for their authenticity.