How Narcissists Shift Responsibility and Manipulate Situations

Introduction

Narcissists are often vilified for their manipulative and self-centered behavior, but few know just how adept they are at shifting blame and manipulating every situation to suit their needs. This article delves deep into the tactics and behaviors of narcissists, focusing particularly on their methods of abolving themselves of responsibility for their actions.

Fabricating Excuses and Denials

Like a child who lies about stealing a cookie, narcissists often fabricate excuses and deny their actions. The problem is, they are so competent at lying that they even believe their lies. For them, the truth becomes irrelevant, replaced by the compelling narrative that suits their agenda.

Consider the scenario of a 4-year-old caught stealing. This child may claim, "I didn't do it" while maintaining a look of innocence. However, the reality is far from what the child claims. In the real world, a narcissist might act in a similar manner, but on a much more complex scale. They will often insist they are innocent of the actions that have caused problems or brought shame upon themselves. They possess the ability to deceive not only others but also themselves, making it incredibly challenging to hold them accountable.

Accountability and Excuses

Narcissists are notorious for leaving tasks and responsibilities until the last moment, which consequently creates significant problems for them. When faced with the consequences of their irresponsibility, they often blame external factors. They might claim, "It's not fair" or "I had to take my spouse out for our anniversary, therefore the bills got left behind." It is a well-worn ploy to deflect blame and continue excusing their actions without taking necessary responsibility.

This manipulation can extend to other areas of their lives. For instance, when faced with reminders about upcoming tasks or appointments, they may get angry at the person attempting to help, rather than accepting the reminder as a means to help them stay organized and responsible.

Controlled Chaos

Narcissists thrive on creating a facade of having things under control. They sometimes describe their messes as "controlled chaos," but in reality, they are completely disorganized and unable to manage real-life situations. Bowing to the need for others to nag or remind them is another tactic they use to keep themselves from feeling overwhelmed.

For example, a narcissist might put off fixing a car until the last minute. When faced with a need to address the issue, instead of fixing it themselves, they will blame others by saying, "My partner forgot to remind me about the car repair." This enables them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to continue shifting blame.

Gaslighting and Resentment

Gaslighting is a common technique used by narcissists to manipulate and control others. They blame external factors or individuals, often creating situations where others feel as though they are the ones at fault. This method served a purpose well captured by the scenario of the narcissist who professed innocence about their car repair responsibilities. They could blame the person reminding them or even outsiders, ignoring the reality that they were the ones who delayed the repair.

Narcissists often seek out people who can serve as a mother figure. However, as they rely on these individuals for support and validation, they develop a deep resentment towards them. When reminders or nagging from these individuals become too much, the narcissist may blow up or become irritable. They use these outbursts to further distance themselves from taking responsibility or making amends.

Conclusion

The manipulation and shift of responsibility employed by narcissists are complex and multi-faceted. Understanding their tactics can help individuals navigate relationships with such individuals and protect themselves from the emotional and practical consequences of their actions. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to breaking their cycles of manipulation and fostering healthier, more authentic connections.