Does Self-Acceptance Occur in Steps?

Self-acceptance is a unique journey, often portrayed not as a linear path but as a series of steps or a leap of faith. For many, it means being welcomed into a circle, whether that circle consists of changeable people or transcendent beliefs. There are two primary options in life: people who invariable change or beliefs which tend not to change. This duality forms the basis of our quest for acceptance.

Deciding to be loyal to 'people' or 'beliefs' reflects our primary means of seeking acceptance. Loyal to changeable people means aligning our self-esteem and values with the opinions and preferences of others, which can be highly fluid. On the other hand, loyalty to unchanging beliefs can provide a sense of stability and security, albeit at the risk of marginalization when the group's beliefs shift.

A Quest for Stability Amidst Change

I find myself frequently contemplating this dichotomy. For example, I once held a deep love for my 2013 Subaru WRX, a car I believed was exceptional. In 2013, I joined a car club where everyone was equally enthusiastic about the 'brand new WRX'. However, as time progressed, the club's focus shifted towards the newer models, and the 2013 WRX became a subject of criticism. This scenario encapsulates the challenge we face: whether to follow the evolving preferences of our peers or maintain our core beliefs.

Self-acceptance involves understanding and aligning ourselves with our true values and beliefs, even when this path is less popular or challenging. It’s about recognizing that our core identity and beliefs will eventually set us apart from the changing opinions of others. The choice is ours, and no one can make this decision for us.

The First Step to Acceptance

Addressing the initial step towards self-acceptance is crucial. The first step involves introspection and determining whether one wants to chase after people and their ever-changing desires, beliefs, and opinions or commit to foundational beliefs that remain constant. This decision is pivotal, as it shapes one’s sense of self-worth and acceptance.

Consider the critical juncture I faced at 18 during my college years. I seriously pondered suicide due to relentless questioning about what or who would determine my worthiness. It was at this crossroads that I chose to follow 'goodness,' which I saw as the pure, unchanging, and honorable belief worth my commitment. I realized that relying on peers or external status was fraught with instability and uncertainty.

The Path to Goodness

The path to self-acceptance and a healthy human state involves a deep commitment to goodness. Goodness is the foundation upon which we build our personal growth and resilience. Here are the key components that define goodness:

Transcendent Love

Transcendent love is a free gift, an unconditional hope for virtuous betterment within ourselves and others. It frees us and others from our fears, fostering confidence, understanding, and skill without anger or defensiveness. This love is a pure expression of hope and acceptance, without any expectation in return.

Virtue

Virtue comprises a mix of truthfulness, wisdom, logic, prudence, fearlessness, trustworthiness, self-restraint, lack of corruption, forgiveness, organization, cleanliness, care, principled wisdom, generosity, humility, and courage. These qualities guide us to lead a life filled with integrity and ethical conduct.

Wisdom

Wisdom is the accumulated insight that helps us navigate life’s complexities. It allows us to avoid traps, make successful decisions, and understand what works and what doesn’t in life and relationships. This wisdom comes from observing life’s challenges and learning from them, thus becoming more adept and resilient.

Conclusion

The journey of self-acceptance is not a linear path but a series of steps or a leap of faith into the unknown. It requires introspection, a commitment to our core beliefs, and the courage to stand by them, even as the world around us changes. By practicing goodness, we can transform ourselves into healthier, more resilient individuals who are truly accepted not by others, but by ourselves.